Ethics is the study of right and wrong. This might sound like a complicated sort of word, but it is deeply practical, and you likely already have an idea of what it means. To say that someone is an “ethical” sort of person means that she or he is morally righteous. That “ethical” individual is admirable. People look up to that person, following his or her actions. We all have personal examples of people we look up to who have showed us what righteousness looks like. Maybe you had a grandfather who was incredibly patient and rarely lost his temper. Maybe a mother was always affirming with her words and never used them to cut other people down. Or perhaps you had a teacher who took extra time to make sure everyone else succeeded.

Without getting too abstract, there are a few ways people actually define ethics. This is a topic that sure keeps theologians and philosophers busy! Some argue we need to have really good rules and laws to ensure other people behave morally. Others argue that “the ends justify the means” and believe that ethics ought to be about some end result, instead of playing by the rules. Even others will argue that ethics is something humans create entirely.

My personal view of ethics is somewhat different than following the rules or planning for the best outcome. Ethics ought to be about virtues, that is, good qualities we hope to instill in our lives. Virtues include things like honesty, integrity, courage, compassion, and so forth. I believe that one of the best ways to teach someone about right and wrong is to share stories about people who either live out or fail to achieve a moral life.

(You can probably tell I’m a fan of this view from the children’s sermon in church with the tale of the tortoise and the hare… Fables are absolutely wonderful ways to teach people—both young and old—about what it means to do right!)

This week’s sermon on Saul addressed this issue of ethics. Saul clearly comes out to be an unethical sort of fellow. He doesn’t do the Lord’s will. He gets jealous of Jonathan and David’s friendship. He rejects God’s word. He even consults witchcraft. And finally, he harms his own body. All throughout 1 Samuel when Saul steps on the scene, we find mistake after mistake, compounded for the worse by the fact that Saul refused to repent.

As I preached, I noted that Saul provides a fantastic example of what not to do. Don’t be like Saul. Don’t reject God’s word. Don’t shy away from true Godliness. I think reading these kinds of stories can truly impact someone, simply because they provide extremely practical examples of what it means to be an ethical person. Yes, rules can be important, but I find that reading powerful, engaging stories about right versus wrong can have a much greater impact.

This week, I encourage you to think back on other examples of ethical people in your life, and follow their example. Be like that grandparent who was truly understanding. Be like that neighbor who would always show compassion, regardless of whoever needed help.

And the ultimate example of morality for our lives ought to be Jesus Christ himself. He is the clearest source of what is truly right, and we ought to imitate his life. Philippians 2:1-5 puts it this way:

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus

The basic definition of a prophet from a biblical perspective is someone who is a mouthpiece for God. She or he relays some sort of message to other people. In the bible, prophets often offered social critiques, divine messages, moral reminders, and descriptions of what is happening in the “cosmic realm.” The prophet communicates something from God.

Easy enough, right?

Well, as always, we humans tend to make things more complicated than they ought to be!

Who is doing the talking? Is the self-proclaimed prophet communicating on behalf of God? Or are they conveying something else?

To illustrate this problem, I recall hearing an example from the early 1900s in the Houston area from a young, bold Methodist preacher. One year he went to his District Superintendent, claiming that God himself told the young man he ought to serve St. John’s Methodist Church in Houston. St. John’s was one of the biggest and wealthiest congregations of the conference. The appointment came with a substantial pay raise. St. John’s was also so well off that they even gave their minister a car allowance! The DS was shocked at this young preacher’s audacity to demand such a thing, but he held his tongue and simply responded with, “Well, let’s pray about it and we’ll see where God is leading you.” A couple of months later the young pastor got a letter that he would indeed be serving St. John’s church… but the St. John’s he would be appointed to was a couple hundred miles away from the big city in the middle of nowhere!

Not every feeling or thought we have is from the Lord. It can be quite complicated and unclear.

Here is a simple, threefold set of “test questions” to help you examine whether it is God speaking, versus some other desire. I would encourage you to wrestle with this as you communicate with God and discern what to do. Ask yourself the following…

1. “Is it God speaking? Or me?”

Too many times we rush to follow our emotions and thoughts without examining them in the first place. When someone insults us, we insult them back. When someone is negative, we pick up that tone and also see the world through a pessimistic lens. And when deciding what to do, we tend to follow our gut without question. We do the speaking most of the time.

So ask yourself whether God is leading you in the first place. Chances are, if you begin with this simple question–is it God speaking or me?–then that will set you up to follow God’s will in your life. You’ll become more aware of what God might sound like, instead of going with whatever pops into your mind.

2. “Does this line up with Christianity?”

Does your supposed nudging from God line up with the bible? Or is it contradictory? If you claim God is doing something opposite of the core tenets of our faith, that is clearly not God talking. While this might sound obvious, it is worth reiterating. God clearly wants us to follow him and be like Jesus. If you feel the desire or urge to act otherwise, be sure and know that whatever you feel is not from God.

God does not want you to kill or harm other people. God does not want you to sin. God does not want you to worship money. God does not want you to spend all your savings on lottery tickets. God does not want you to behave like a non-Christian. To claim otherwise in any of these instances really goes against the broad Christian tradition. When God speaks to you, I would argue that it ought to be consistent with the message of Christianity.

3. “Who is benefitting from this?”

Ask yourself about the benefits of a proposed course of action. If you are getting all the fame, honor, and glory, then I would challenge you to really think about if it is truly God speaking. I would venture to say it might be our own selfish desire if that is the case!

When God leads us to do something, it often is uncomfortable, difficult, or otherwise challenging. “Godly” success does not look like “worldly” success. But with God’s help, we can accept God’s calling and eagerly respond to serve the kingdom.

Scripture obviously ought to be a guiding tool for our life. In reading the stories of the bible, we learn about who God is, what God has done, and what God will do. In many ways, scripture provides the “answer” to questions we might have. You’ve probably heard this terminology used before!

But one odd thing about our bible is that it doesn’t always give us specific answers. For instance, do we know everything that is going on in the mind of a character? Do we always know the backstory? Do we fully know someone’s intentions?

Some people take issue with ambiguity, but if you ask me, this is one reason I find the bible so fascinating! We must truly study it in order to glean lessons from stories like those from 1 Samuel.

With that said, Eli is one of those characters where we don’t exactly have clearcut answers. Was he a great father? Did he utterly fail? To be honest, it’s unclear. To recap this character from the beginning of the book:

• Eli is the high priest of Israel in Shiloh. People come there yearly to make sacrifices. Eli assures Hannah she will have a son.
• Eli had two sons, Hophni and Phinehas. They were bad dudes. The bible calls them “scoundrels” and states they had no regard for the Lord. These two troubled sons took advantage of people in grotesque and corrupt ways. Eli confronts the sinful sons and warns them of God’s judgment. They don’t listen.
• Eli mentors Samuel over the years, giving Israel its first prophet. Samuel realizes God is calling him in the middle of the night, thanks to Eli’s advice.
• Samuel prophesies the house of Eli will be destroyed for the sins of the sons. In some readings, it is not clear if Eli himself also will be cursed, too, or if his offspring simply bear the brunt of the impending doom. The sons die in battle and after Eli finds out, he falls over, breaking his neck and dies, too.
• It is unclear as to whether future generations suffered more from a divine “curse.” Some of Eli’s ancestors die young. But some biblical traditions state that people like Jeremiah and Ezekiel and descendants of this family line. So it seems to me as though Eli’s history is not entirely hopeless or corrupt.

Some bible commentators and pastors criticize Eli and essentially blame him for the actions of his sons. By extension, the same people might blame parents of lost children today. You’ve heard phrases like these before…

• “Eli should have done more.” And today, “That parent should have done more.”
• “That child must have learned it from the mother/father.”
• “Some kids just weren’t raised right.”
• “Well they clearly failed at parenting.”

So who is exactly to blame when children turn away from God?

I’ll be the first to admit this is an incredibly dicey issue. For starters, I don’t have children yet and don’t know what it’s like to parent. I also realize it is easy to judge others and put people down without truly understanding a family’s situation. We so often want an explanation for why someone turned out “bad” that we rush to judge the parent almost immediately. We often forget that every individual must make the choice for him or herself on whether to follow Jesus or not. Children turn into youth, and eventually turn into adults. We gradually take ownership of our lives and make impactful decisions through free will.

I know many parents–and yes, even pastors–who did everything “right” yet still struggled with wayward children. What’s a parent to do when she or he earnestly follows God, yet witnesses children turn away from faith?

Despite my lack of experience in the parenting arena, I feel confident in my beliefs on this matter. Rather than playing the “blame game” about lost and rebellious children, I think God calls us to something different. It is easy to point fingers and wash our own hands, but I don’t think we ought to be doing much blame in the first place. We need more understanding and compassion instead of condemnation and judgment.

In the future, it might be worth considering past mistakes and asking God for healing where someone may have failed as a parent. But in the midst of trauma, the blame game doesn’t help at all.

Your friend who is dealing with a struggling family member doesn’t need to be shamed or scolded. For now, they need prayer, help, and support. They need to know that they are not alone, and that you can be a Christian friend to them during their hour of need.