I preached a bit shorter than normal on Sunday to make time for our prayer time at the end of the service. During the sermon, however, I briefly referenced one story from my own life about experiencing silence from God, so I figured I would explain a bit more about my own testimony for this week’s blog post!

About 10 years ago I was in college and incredibly active with several ministries. I would go to Sunday school and church every Sunday. I went to a home group meeting during the week, which was a discipleship group with people from church. On Wednesdays I would go to another area church for a big worship gathering geared towards college students. And to top it all off, I was studying philosophy and religion, so my class work often dealt with a lot of theology and Christian history.

It seemed like every day I filled my schedule with spiritually-enriching work, whether that be praising God on Sunday morning, to reading and studying to prepare for seminary. I felt like I was constantly growing. It all seemed to be working well.

But then I woke up one morning and felt absolutely spiritually empty inside. It was an eerie feeling. I prayed, but didn’t feel any sort of comfort. I tried listening to music, but that wasn’t much help. I even tried talking with close friends about what I was going through, but that didn’t work either. It felt like God was on “mute”, so to speak–no answers, no feelings, no emotions, nothing at all. And this was such an alarming thing for me to experience. I had depended on God all those years before this moment. Had God abandoned me all of the sudden?

Upon reflection, this season of my life came about as a result of a few things. A friend of mine had committed suicide over a year before then, but at that moment I think I was finally beginning to process what happened. People in my main friend group kind of had a falling out with one another, so I was a bit in limbo with who to rely on for support. I also witnessed a close friend make some terrible life decisions, and felt like I had let him down because I wasn’t able to prevent the pain he now experienced. I was set to go on a summer-long mission trip to Uganda and Kenya, but suddenly got “cold feet” and ended up cancelling this plan. All these things came together to lead me into a spiritual wilderness.

I would pray and beg God to show me signs, but those prayers felt unanswered. I continued my weekly schedule of going to church activities, but it all felt like I was going through the motions instead of deepening my faith. Even worse, at times when I confided in someone else about my spiritual disillusionment, they couldn’t really sympathize with me. One individual even said that I lacked faith because of what I was going through–I supposedly had “failed” a test from God and feeling spiritually distant was my punishment.

I eventually emerged out of this spiritually dark time after about six months. It seemed like an eternity, but during this time I learned several invaluable things:

1. God exists regardless of whether I feel God’s presence. We are often very emotional creatures as humans. We think love exists only if we “feel” it in a particular moment. Yet we all know that love may still be present if we don’t feel butterflies in our stomach! The same is also true with our relationship with God. Even if you feel hollow or empty, rest assured of God’s provision and guidance, even when you feel like God is nowhere to be found. God is still moving in our lives even if we don’t immediately see the end result.
2. Be honest with God about your emotions. We often think we should only offer up our happy thoughts to God. This often leads us to fake our relationship, especially if other Christians seem to be happy with God and we don’t feel that way. In reality, life is a lot messier, filled with mountaintops, dark valleys, and everywhere in between. One thing I learned from not feeling any direction from God for this half-year was that I needed to be more authentic with how I relate to God. God already knows my heart, so why try to fake it if I’m going through a tough time? Being honest in the midst of sorrow led me to a deeper relationship with Christ.
3. God doesn’t cause sin to happen in your life, but that doesn’t mean God won’t work through difficult circumstances. We will talk next week about the problem of suffering. Even though I don’t believe God caused lightning bolts to “strike” in my life, God was still there assisting me along the way. I learned countless things about myself and who God is. Because of some of the things that happened during this season, I was actually introduced to my wife for the first time. I think God can use any period of wilderness to bring about more redemption.

You might feel extremely close to God right now, and if that is the case, then keep on working at that relationship to endure the day trials and tribulations come. But regardless of whether you feel on fire, apathetic, alone, or even scared, know that God is with you and will never forsake you, even when you don’t feel him.

What brings fulfillment in life? If you were in church on Sunday, you know that question has a simple answer given to us directly by Jesus in John 13: We experience fulfillment through serving one another.

It is such a simple, yet so difficult command for us to actually live out. We like to look out for ourselves. We often obsess over our own personal problems. We think that fulfillment can somehow come through personal possessions or status. But Jesus gives us a reality check to serve one another–to wash the feet of others as Jesus did–in order to live life to the fullest.

In seminary I studied the work of a Roman Catholic theologian named Gustavo Gutierrez. Gutierrez began his career studying medicine and psychology. He eventually turned to matters of religion and spent much of his life working among poor people in the country of Peru. Serving people in need truly shaped his life and theology.

Gutierrez was known for his advocacy for serving others, and that theologically speaking, God always calls us to care for the “least of these” (a reference to Matthew 25 and Jesus’ teaching on the sheep and the goats). One of his famous phrases is that God has a preferential option for the poor. God calls Christians to specifically seek out the poor and marginalized in order to raise them up into new life.

That might sound kind of odd for us to reflect upon. After all, doesn’t God love all people? Isn’t God impartial and doesn’t prefer one group over another? Shouldn’t we also reach non-poor individuals, too?

All these questions might make a point in some sense, but we need to reflect more on what it means to have compassion and to share with others. The writings of Gutierrez and others like him have a strong biblical foundation. God calls us to seek out the needy in all circumstances. Jesus specifically said that the poor are blessed in the Sermon on the Mount. He also taught in Luke 14 that we ought to be hosting the outsiders and showing God’s love to them. And as Jesus commanded, we are to “wash the feet” of others in many ways, from feeding the hungry to being a friend to the lonely. All these “needs” involve people who are “poor” in one way or another–that’s why the need exists in the first place!

When we serve others in need, it is not because we should somehow love them “more” than other people in our life. But when we serve the needy, we potentially raise them up spiritually through the good news of the gospel, as well as providing material aid like with outreach projects. In turn, the people we serve experience a more fulfilled life because of God’s love through us. When that person is “uplifted” through our own Christian outreach, we then have to go back out and begin the process again, this time with other people who are in need. We always have a job to do to reach more people and grow God’s family. I think that’s what Gutierrez meant when he said to prefer people who were poor. We should prefer to have more brothers and sisters in Christ!

God gave us a vision for an uplifting cycle in how we do outreach. By loving people and serving those in need, we work to raise everyone up. As others experience the joy and peace of Christ, hopefully they too will join in our mission for the kingdom of God and reach new people.

Pastors often struggle with preaching on very common bible passages. You’ve probably heard our gospel text yesterday before–we should love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love our neighbor as ourself. Christians have usually heard these commandments before, since it is such a basic tenet of our faith. So how can we hear the words of Jesus anew? How can we avoid cliches and thinking we already understand this message?

One practice I have to solve this potential issue is to read commentaries on the bible. Theologians, pastors, or experts in biblical languages write these texts to help shine new light on scripture.

This week in my studies, I was drawn to the writing of Rev. Gemechis Desta Buba, a Lutheran pastor from Ethiopia. My wife and I had volunteered in Ethiopia after college for a couple of months, so his words really resonated with me and they hit close to home. Here’s what Buba had to say about Jesus’ “greatest commandment” teaching:

I was born and brought up in a country called Ethiopia in the eastern part of Africa. This is a country which claims to have a history of 3,000 years…This country has never seen a single day without war until today. War has been the national trademark, part of the national news, and it is always included in daily talks on the streets of the nation. [I’ve witnessed that…]

• Hatred breeds hatred.
• Bloodshed breeds bloodshed.
• Violence produces violence.
• Injustice begets misery and lawlessness.

When children are born and brought up in such a place, they tend to believe that this is just something to be seen as a viable option and as a normal pattern of relationship for people to engage in. Violence seems to be a way to go, even a justifiable way of settling differences by securing superior status over the one on the other side of the fence. This is the way I was brought up into mature manhood.

Today millions of children across the continent of Africa, the Middle Eastern region, across Eastern Europe and within the inner cities of western Metropolitan cities of western nations are being brought up into becoming mature men and women under the direct influence of cultures of violence and dysfunctional social structures. These environments are populating our world with citizens characterized by embedded hostility and innate inclinations towards invoking violence as a viable means of resolving differences.

His point is that we live in a world that does not promote love.

I’ve preached before on this deep cultural belief that violence saves. We tell ourselves so many twisted things, like “Just hit back harder” and to “Just show someone you’re tougher.” We think violence gives us salvation instead of love. From war-torn countries like Ethiopia, to down the road from Concord Church here in America, we often believe that hostility, isolation, and hate are legitimate values.

We think we can solve our problems by avoiding God and ignoring our neighbor in need. We are taught by the forces of sin in our life and society that we should do the opposite of what we read in scripture.

We often disobey God. We view love as a sign of weakness. To show vulnerability to someone means we risk our personal pride. To make time for God goes against all those messages of our culture. To show love to other people who aren’t your kin just becomes a hassle. Even to show love to family can be frowned upon—family feuds and disagreements are so common.

So ask yourself this as you reflect on Sunday’s message… is love you solution? Is loving God and loving neighbor the focus of your life?

It is important to hear Jesus’ words afresh. When Jesus talks about loving God and loving neighbor, this is some radical stuff. It goes against our human intuition and what we often want to do.